I'm a really, really poor line cook.

"The best things in life are free but you can give them to the birds and bees,
I want money."

My mouth just got raped with flavor.

Breakfast of Champions

All I had in my refrigerator this week was butter, sugar, four apples and puff pastry.



I now have fourteen cavities.


Fuck this guy.  Seriously.  Shit like this would never happen to me.  Then again if I did win something major from McDonald’s, I’d never live down the shame of everyone knowing I actually ate at McDonald’s.

This is a picture of buttercream frosting.  It’s most commonly recognized as “the rich stuff on the outside of wedding cakes.”
Little known facts:
1) The amount seen above is enough to cover just one 9” cake. 
2) This batch contains 2 1/2 # of butter. 
3) When refrigerated, this confection becomes the consistency of a solid stick of butter. 
4) Buttercream frosting is fucking disgusting.

The Beauty and Horror of Ansel High-Volume Foam System for the Suppression of Fires

This beast is equivalent to the sprinkler system in an office building, only it’s meant to stop really heinous things, like grease fires.  I tried to find one that was tested in a kitchen (no luck).  Take a moment to imagine the pain and suffering of having to clean this shit out of every nook and cranny of a kitchen.

Final thoughts: yay safety.

"If it’s expensive, it’s offensive. If it’s free, it’s for me."

today/yesterday/tomorrow’s breakfast: coffee and cigarettes.


Hi, hello.

I live in poverty and i bet you do too. It sucks. They say the recession/depression ended in July but i’m going to go just call bullshit on that.

I’ve pawned all my good stuff and i’m living bare-bones.  So why did i give up a job that paid tits and start working in a field that is physically and emotionally abusive?  Long story, short: i’m pretty sure the company i was working for was a cover for something really sinister, my bosses were total sleaze bags and my hyperactivity and OCD were considered negatives.

Only later did i find out that restaurants are pretty much the same scene only with much more booze and coke.  And the previously mentioned personality traits are, more or less, good things to have. 

Happy Fucking Thanksgiving

(thanksgiving in prision - 2009.)